Update.

This isn't relevant to what this blog was meant for but I needed to get this out since I really don't want anyone reading this.

 Tuesday me and Dakota were talking about sex. He had told me that he thought he's losing his libido. I told him I could change this since I knew I could. So Wednesday during lunch we went to my house and had sex and I really wanted to have sex with him. I had been thinking about it all morning and I was pretty damn stoked. It was pretty fucking awesome... It felt amazing...

Several hours later he told me that "we should go on a break". It startled the fuck out of me. I didn't know what to say to that. I felt this rush of sadness go over me and it was unbearable. This entire week I felt so amazing.

I didn't agree on going on a break. I didn't want to. I was happy. I felt good. I felt like everything was in place and I was excited to see how things would plan out after we graduate. I was wrong..

I told him I didn't agree. I didn't want to talk to him. It wasn't a break if I didn't agree. He was breaking up for me because he didn't feel right in our relationship or he didn't feel anything or he was confused or he didn't know what he wanted..

Thanks..

It was made official yesterday. He started smooching on me after school and told me he was sorry.. then it was made official that he wanted to go on a break. And after he told me that he didn't feel anything.. I figured that all that shit after school was a bunch of lies..

So much for thinking everything is fine when it really isn't. I can't help anybody unless they ask for my help. This was me and you. It was us. We were both in this together.. But you didn't tell me anything about what was going on with you..

I think this is it. This is my breaking point.

I CAN'T CONTROL MY EATING HABITS.
I am lazy.
I am poor.
I don't have anything healthy to eat.

I'm going through a burden of depression right now.
I feel horrible.
At least one change I've made for sure : Water. And lots of it.
I try to exercise at least once or twice a week.
I try to make sure I eat less than what I need.
I can't do it.
I can't do it.

Yesterday I ate an entire bag of chips.
I didn't realize I did.
I consumed over 1000 calories.

I need to stop.
I can't fix myself if I'm harming myself.

I can't fix myself.

I haven't been keeping up with this. I've been down for the passed several days.

I know I ate very little Saturday
I ate a lot on Sunday. I get depressed on Sundays.

Monday.. Don't remember, Tuesday Don't remember..

Today...

4 oreos
Chicken sandwich from wendys and a few fries
Chicken Parmesan from culinary arts
sloppy joes
sweet tea
sprite

Yesterday

• Baked Lays chips
• New York Dog
• KFC
• Coffee
• 2 Fried Eggs

I think I'm doing so well in my little diet.

Wow.

I'm eating so much less and trying to exercise.

I feel depressed currently, but I tend to have this episode shortly after my birthday.

• Baked Lays chips
• 2 fried eggs
• Half a toasted peanut butter sandwich
• Boneless chicken breast with mozzarella, green chilies, and bacon
• 2 bowls of cinnamon toast crunch

Today and Yesterday

Yesterday

• Baked Lays chips
• Powerade
• All american dog from Sonic
• Less than half of a pint of ice cream
• Eggs
• Coffee

I believe that's it.

Today

• Baked lays chips
• All American Dog and New York Dog
• Pizza Lunchable
• Peanut butter sandwich